Hidden Hills, CA – Kim and Kanye are reportedly getting divorced, marking the end of an era and the end of one of the world’s most famous and glamorous couples. Here’s a list of 5 ways you can leave them alone and give them privacy!
Category: News
Lana Del Rey Awarded White Feminism Medal of Honor
VENICE, CA.,– After noting the surprising amount of press singer Lana Del Rey’s long-winded Instagram posts received, the Academy of White Feminism decided to award the artist the White Feminism Medal of Honor. Del Rey, the most recent recipient of the award, managed to beat out fellow artists Taylor Swift and The 1975 lead singer…
Grimes Announces New Project (A Baby) Named |!¤*’~“~’*¤!|
LOS ANGELES, CA.,– What better way to announce the birth of your new project than with an Instagram post? This morning, Canadian singer/songwriter/ethereal being Grimes announced her newest creative endeavor — a baby! Set to be released sometime in October 2020, her debut child, simply named |!¤*’~“~’*¤!|, will likely be visually (and sonically) different from…
Chip Skylark Releases Eminem Diss Track
DIMMSDALE.,– Looks like Nick Cannon isn’t the only one taking shots at Em. Dimmsdale popstar Chip Skylark has joined in on the beef, going after Detroit rapper and famous old man Eminem. The My Shiny Teeth and Me singer, after hearing about the Cannon-Em feud, decided to throw his own hat into the mix in…
We Ranked the BTS Members By Their Confirmed Kills
Fans worldwide had a meltdown when it became public knowledge that the superstar K-Pop boyband BTS would be completing their mandatory military service like any other member of their community.
Baby Yoda Starts Receiving Texts from Drake
DAGOBAH SYSTEM., — Hollywood’s youngest starlet has a new fan: Canadian rapper Drake! Baby Yoda, the incredibly young, Force-sensitive being from the Star Wars universe, recently shared his sudden friendship with Drake in an exclusive interview with Swallow Media. “Texted me multiple times, he has,” said Baby Yoda, who still needs his diapers changed to…
T.I. has Doctor Check if Daughter is a Witch to Burn at the Stake
By Yoshi Yui
Rapper-turned-witch-hunter T.I. details his strenuous routine of and identifying and vanquishing witches and banishing them back to the depths of hell.
We Asked Each Democratic Candidate What They Think of Frank Ocean
HOUSTON, TX.– For nearly 7 hours, Democratic presidential candidates spent their evenings discussing their stances on climate, foreign policy, and the future of the United States. While the crowd posed a variety of thought-provoking questions, no question invoked further discussion than the one raised by our Swallow Media columnist Jake Rivard. During each candidate’s row…
Forensic Evidence Reveals Anthony Fantano Gave David Koch’s Album 2/10
WITCHITA, KS.– During a postmortem exam of multi-billionaire David Koch, forensic pathologists discovered a direct correlation between Koch’s death and The Needle Drop founder Anthony Fantano’s recent review of his album If You’re Poor, Just Get A Job. The album, criticized for its inconsistency and inaccuracies, was given a “Light 2” by Fantano. In an interview…
MF DOOM Fan Sets Man on Fire for Not Spelling Rapper’s Name in All Caps
SOMEWHERE IN FLORIDA– 28-year-old Sal Jamison was set on fire by Brock Lee, an avid MF DOOM fan, after Jamison mistakenly wrote a Facebook comment mentioning the rapper in all lowercase letters. Taking place just last night, this is perhaps the first ever example of an actual “flame war.” The altercation was stoked when Jamison…
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