DETROIT, MI — As if the universe itself played a role in their meeting, local Tinder matches Peter Novak and Mary Anderson found out that they both share a lot of similar interests — including their love for the hit NBC series The Office. “It was crazy. Never in my life have I met someone…
Category: Tenuous Music Connections
Tyler, the Creator confirms IGOR is a companion piece to the movie IGOR
By Yoshi Wall Los Angeles, CA – Although fans who have been anticipating the oft-delayed Steve Buscemi and Tyler the Creator collaborative album might have to wait a little longer, Tyler has revealed that we may have already received the next best thing. While many millenials and zoomers might only know film director/auteur Tony Leondis…
World Dental Federation Confirms Anthony Fantano’s Teeth “Only Fourth Best” in the Game
By Wil Hayes and Kai Hellberg Sad news out of Geneva. The FDI World Dental Federation has declared the teeth of Anthony Fantano, self-proclaimed “internet’s busiest music nerd” and “best teeth in the game,” to only be the fourth best. “We’ve had enough of Fantano’s arrogant and delusional attitude concerning his dental health,” said head…
Scarlett Johansson rescinds transgender role, to play humanoid wildebeest in animated J Dilla biopic instead
By Kai Hellberg Following a wave of criticism, Scarlett Johansson has forfeited her role as a transgender person. Instead, she will play J Dilla’s black mother Maureen Yancey, better known as “Ma Dukes” in a biopic about the late Detroit producer. But here’s the catch: Johansson’s character will be a walking and talking wildebeest. “I…
Oh No! Lil Uzi Vert drafted by South Korean military, cancels world tour
By Kai Hellberg Bad news for any fans of Lil Uzi Vert. The Philadelphia-based rapper recently received the news that he was drafted by the South Korean military, meaning he will be legally obligated to served in the armed forces for two years. This will also mean that Lil Uzi Vert will have to cancel…
Kid Cudi no longer feels the love, feels confused after watching the short film preceding “The Incredibles 2”
By Kai Hellberg SPOILER WARNING Swallow Media’s interview crew flanked Scott Mescudi, aka Kid Cudi, when he was spotted leaving his local AMC movie theater with a puzzled look on his face. “Man, what the fuck just happened?” he said in complete disbelief. “My head hurts and I don’t like this. Can one of y’all…
Unkle Adams Says Internet Trolls Have Pushed Him To The Edge
We sat down with the one and only Curtis “Unkle” Adams to discuss his massive internet following this week. Here’s what he had to say.
Top 1989 Reasons Why Taylor Swift Should Just Eat Flaming Cat Poo Already
you WON’T BELIEVE number 4
Vladimir Putin avid White Stripes fan, request “7 Nation Army” be played before every World Cup Match
If Vladimir Putin request you do something, you do it. Don’t ask questions. Don’t backtalk. Papa Putin knows best. Take it as an order, rather than as a suggestion. Just ask the families of the 2, 2018 World Cup Stadium Sound Supervisors who are currently missing and the family of the 1 who is dead.
Score! “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” Actually Code for Sex
I decided to look into America’s favorite jingle, “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” and, honestly, I wish I hadn’t.
Swallow Media 